On the 4th Jan I went for my CT scan, and yesterday, 23rd Jan was results day! We have had many scans/waiting for results over the last 6 years from when symptoms started, and it doesn’t get any easier. In fact this time ‘scan anxiety’ seemed a lot harder. Up until the weekend, I had sort of managed to forget about it, but the last week has been really tough – even with a new Puppy joining us on News Year Day!
The anxiety/stress builds and the mood changes. Even Erin asked me a few days ago if I was okay, as I don’t seem myself. I have not been able to relax or switch off, I have been more ratty and less patient. I have found it very difficult to focus on anything. I was trying to think positive, and that if you had told me 4 years ago, I would still be alive and ‘just’ be coming for 6 monthly scans and I would suffer stress/anxiety for a few weeks , I would have absolutely snapped your hand off for that. Yet, however hard you try, it doesn’t stop the mind working overtime and thinking the worst and we’re all different too! Ali had been ‘ok’ in the build up, but (& I know she won’t mind me saying as this is reality!), that after finishing work Wednesday, & putting on a front for the kids until bedtime, the tears streamed down Wednesday night & yesterday!
Therefore, yesterday when my oncologist Dr Taylor told me “There is no Sign of Disease”, we were both speechless and tears of joy and relief flowed! A huge, massive weight lifted off our shoulders. I have also been moved to 12 monthly CT scans which is just incredible.
Again thanks to all of you for all your ongoing support & to the great medical team. It’s not just scan anxiety time when we have ‘wobbles’, it’s in making decisions for our future, in when we plan our working lives, when I’m suddenly ill, have a cough, had stomach problems earlier in the year & was anxious it had spread to peritoneal mesothelioma etc so thank you to all our family and friends for keeping us going!!!
Dave & Ali xx